What does taking it slow mean?

I think it is an individual thing, but I want to hear from you guys. In my opinion, lesbians tend to move quickly. If they like each other they have sex and figure the rest out later. This is a general thing in my opinion. But, there will be times when “lets take it slow” comes in the equation. For straight people, it seems like the woman is expected to “take things slow.”

How slow is slow? Should the two say they will date exclusively before they have sex? Should there be some sort of commitment on the table?

The Prospect and I have talked about a lot of things and this includes taking things “slow.” She wants to find the “one” and doesn’t just want to have sex yet. She like most people, including myself, have been there and done that already. I also would like to settle down for real. You know, long-term with an end game of marriage.

What does taking it slow mean to you?

Chime in!


  1. I figure you just do what has to be done and that slow means whatever’s gonna work to establish the relationship and based on what both people want to do. Like, when I meet someone and I know that I want to be with them and the sooner, the better, it’s because I’m confident in what I’m learning about that person and in how I feel, what I want to experience with them, stuff like that. I’ve learned that letting my past fears and problems get in the way of things is counterproductive and that by not going for the gusto with them, I’m actually punishing them for something someone else did in the past.

    It doesn’t make sense to do that. Sure, there are issues around trust and all that but trust is that two-way street – it has to be given but it also has to be earned and that’s not gonna happen in one fell swoop; it’s built over time, Since I understand all of this (and a lot of other things I’ve not mentioned), if I’m sure I want to be with this person, I’m just waiting on them to catch up and decide that they want to do this as well.

    After that, it’s about being grown up enough to make such a grown up decision and then stick by that decision; it’s about being ready, willing, and able to put in the work necessary to make the relationship work – and knowing that once the honeymoon ends, it’s not always going to be a bowl of cherries; there will be rough spots and, to this end, it’s not that the rough spots come up – it’s what you do about it when they happen.

    The best route? Be direct but not aggressive or anything like that; if you know you want this person in your life, go get them. Adults should be able to do this without worrying about shit that might go wrong… and shit that actually hasn’t happened and if you both do it as right as you can, said shit will never happen but, again, it’s not that it happens: It’s what gets done about it.

    How’s that?


  2. Slow to me means you get to know each other first, rather than dashing in and trying to spend every waking moment together, romantic gestures and that sort of thing. I’m not sure sex comes into it much, depends on what your personal beliefs are I guess,

    As always great blog!


  3. Slow means different things at different times in our lives. For me though I have always been kind of slow. I really need a very strong emotional connection before I get intimate with someone.

    Also, the slower you go the more you learn. People put on fronts early in relationships but usually they don’t have the endurance or discipline to keep it up beyond a couple of months. That’s when you start to really see who they are. And if you’ve gone slow up till then you won’t have too much of a problem jumping ship if need be.


  4. Generally in the straight dating game, when a woman says she wants to take it slow that means she has a few guys she’s dealing with that she needs to end it with before you guys get serious. She knows you’re a great guy she just has to end it with the other guys she’s dealing with.


  5. One of my mother’s favorite sayings to us when we were kids was “You study long, you study wrong…” and it took me a while to (a) figure out what it meant and (b) that she was right (nothing new here). I’ve seen that when it comes to relationships, people who take it really slow wind up becoming indecisive; they second-guess themselves and their prospective partner and, honestly, spend more time being introspective about themselves that they’re really not absorbing a lot of information about the other person.

    So in a way, it’s not so much about going as slow as you can; it becomes a question of how much time is too much time? I know men use the “strike while the iron is hot” approach but I’ve seen guys go slow and the end result is that the other person slips right through their fingers; I’v seen women do it and have the other person simply lose interest or their patience. In some ways, it’s a challenge for a person to see how much information they can process, both in themselves and what they are receiving from the other person and while a lot of people think this is best done over an extended period of time, well, if you study long…


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