I think break-ups can be messy. When kids are involved it can be even messier. I can dig it. I do however think some people want mess. I know that may sound silly, but I am just saying. If you are with someone for years and kids are involved, it can be hard on the adult when the relationship ends. The adult doesn’t even have to be a biological parent.
I seem to hear and/or read a lot about lesbians being torn to pieces because their ex won’t let them see the kids. Again, I understand they were close to the child/ren or they had a bond with the kids. I don’t understand when they can’t let it go though. This may sound really insensitive.
Some of these women were in relationships for like 3 months and now they can’t seem to move on after the break up — because of the kids. Really? Please, cut it out. I know you have grown to know, love, understand or relate to her children — but it’s over. Even if they were together for years, I don’t think the mother of the children has an obligation to keep the ex around. If you are not the other parent and you have not been around for a significant amount of time, you have to roll with the punches. The bad talking about the ex keeping the kids away should cease.
It’s like the left-out-ex wants some pity or something. Or they want to be seen like some “Captain Save-A-Single-Mother” or something. What really kills me is when this ex is the one that ruined the relationship and then thinks the mother of the child is wrong for keeping the kids away. What?
Some personal examples:
I have a friend who had a girlfriend for like a year or two. The girl had a young son and was also bi. She had been with women, but never had a relationship. Basically just sex and fun. This was her first relationship with a lesbian.
Her son’s father had a key to her house and was still involved. I personally do not believe in running a man away from his children. Him being involved was not a bad thing to me. The problem was he would “pop-up” all the time. My friend couldn’t come over when he was there. He didn’t like my friend… understandable. I thought this whole thing was a waste of time and it was clear to me they were still sleeping together. There was probably had some kind of of “hiccup” in their relationship, but there was still love and a child involved.
I think my friend thought she could make her a lesbian. I don’t care how many times you have sex, if she is bi, chances are she won’t become a lesbian. If she does — it will take time. Time for her to get all the penis out of her system.
My friend LOVED her and LOVED the heck out of her son. I mean, she was happy as can be. Even though the relationship was going NO WHERE. When they broke up, she was still hanging around for the “son.” She would still give her money. She would still do things for them. When she moved away, she would spend thousands of dollars going to visit them, even though she had a new boyfriend.
I thought my friend should let them go. She really loved the boy and would do anything to still be able to see him. They were not going to be together and she needed to stop wasting time and money on the woman. BUT, she kept at it because of the child. They NEVER got back together. But, that woman can call at anytime and be first in line of any other woman in the picture.
Let it go.
I myself dated a woman for about 6 months. I guess you could say it was an intense 6 months because of the amount of time we spent together. She spent a lot of time with my kids too. She watched them, she cooked for them and she just hung out with them. They liked her and she liked them as well. Well, she messed up the relationship and I broke it off. I never mentioned her name again to the kids. She was the past. They mentioned her a few times for like a month. Then she went into their memory banks.
She used to call, text, email etc. She ALWAYS brought up the kids. She missed the kids, are the kids still doing this and that? She would never hurt the kids. Blah…blah..and a few more blahs for the road. She even emailed me the other day to wish me “Happy Holidays.” In the email she plugged an “inside joke” and wanted me to wish the kids a Merry Christmas. Then she sent me a text — just in case my email had changed. I wonder if she thought I would let her come around because she “didn’t do anything” to the kids? Yea, well, I never let her see my kids again. She texted me after the break up saying she wanted to see my kids and and she would be in my neighborhood. I told her no.
The relationship was over and I don’t think we were together long enough for her to still be able to have a relationship with my kids. Kids are not property. People shouldn’t get to hang around “for the kids.” I think you really have to consider what is best for both you and the children.