Can I get an Amen?!


Okay, whatever…

I went to church on Sunday guys. I have said, I wanted to find a church for my family. About two years ago I started looking for a church. I went to a few different churches and none of them “fit.” I even went to a gay church. Yep, they have gay churches. The sermon was very nice. The pastor (woman) was gay, the visiting pastor (man) was gay and the crowd was littered with “masculine-looking” women and “feminine-looking” men. It was a very different church. There were a lot of “straight-looking” people and kids too. The only reason I didn’t go back — it looked make shift. It was like a hole in the wall.

I tried another one that seemed anti-kids. I didn’t like the vibe in there at all. They kept on telling me to bring my kids to the nursery. My kids weren’t even crying or anything. I just felt pressured, so I left. That one was really close to my house, but I didn’t go back either.

This new church was referred by another parent. My kids are taking swimming lessons and one of the parents told me about her church. It is close enough to my house, so I figured I would give it another try. The sermon was good; the message was positive and that’s what I am looking for in a church. I really don’t want to hear about sins and homophobia.

Here is the thing…

Do all churches push people to use the daycare and/or Sunday School? This is the second one that was really laying it on thick; I don’t like it though. My thing is, it is my first time there, why would I just leave my kids with strangers? I don’t even know if I like the church, the people, the environment or anything. Yes, I know it is a church, but that means nothing to me. I always tell them, it is my first day and I want them to stay with me. Every staff members continue to “suggest” the children’s section.

I don’t know how to deal with this whole thing. My kids are one of the reasons I am going to church. I wasn’t raised in “the church” but I attended during my pre-teen to teen years pretty consistently. My grandmother didn’t go to church much, but she knew all that church “stuff.” I think she used to go back in the day. She is quick to tell you a piece of the bible, she knows a lot of the songs/hymns and she believes in what the bible says is right and wrong. She even went as far as to “sing” Sodom and Gomorrah in the house ALL the time. She was going on and on with the gay thing back in the day.

My daughter is very interested in God and church. They are always asking to go to church and when they see a church, they always ask to go inside. They have asked me numerous times — when we would go to church. They only went a few times, when I was church hunting. My daughter asks questions like “Did God make people, animals, bad people, etc…” I don’t even know how to answer all of her questions. She thinks if we go in the sky, we can see God. Another kid told her, you only see God when you’re dead. She couldn’t wait to ask me about that one. I figured they were the ones pushing me in the direction of going to church regularly. Knowing me though, we will go sometimes — not every single week. I have one day “off” and I know I will want to stay home some days. My ex daycare provider, is into church and she wanted to bring them to her church. I am okay with that plan. I wouldn’t even mind if they went with her regularly, but as much as I love her, she is a homophobe. I am scared she will teach them gay-hate. I don’t want that at all.

This new church has a very nice building. The Sunday School is in the basement with the nursery and it looks nice as well. They separate the kids by age and the kids do “work” according to the lady. They also give them a light snack (juice and crackers).

My kids were distracting me from the service this past Sunday. They weren’t loud or crying or anything; weren’t disturbing others either. They just kept talking to me (quietish), which is understandable. They wanted to know why the lady next to us was screaming and going all up and down the aisle. I mean, I would ask too. Then they wanted me to pass their books to them over and over. Then they wanted to switch seats. Then they wanted me to take turns lifting them up to see better. It was just kid stuff, nothing crazy, but a bit annoying.

After church, I went back downstairs to check out the Sunday School. I showed the kids around and spoke to the lady. She told me the “teachers” rotate. That was understandable. I asked if the kids stayed in the same spot the entire time —  yes. I asked if the kids went to the bathroom alone — no, they take them. I asked if there were any male “teachers” — No, but they are hoping to get more men. I told her I liked it the way it is now —  women only.

I was thinking about letting them go to Sunday School, while I attended the church. But, I just DO NOT feel comfortable with it at all. I get it, I know it is a good idea. Kids are distracting and some kids cry or whatever. I just don’t like the idea of dropping them off the minute I arrive. I really don’t know what is going on down there (probably nothing). I am just not that trusting, I think most people are too trusting — I digress.

I want to bring them more often and let them get used to it. Let them get used to sitting for an hour and a half. Let them get used to church. I brought books, coloring books and mint balls with me. Just a little distraction. I want to bring a little snack, but I remember a church not wanting the kids to eat crackers. I was thinking, fruit — like grapes or something. That was only the first week, I want to give them a chance to really get it, you know?

Is it customary for the staff to push the Sunday School/Daycare? If you grew up in the church, did you go to a separate section as a kid? Do you send your kids? Does/would your kids stay with you? I know I put a lot of thought into things, but you kind of have to, you now?

Chime in


  1. Indoctrinating children requires another set of teaching abilities, because the adult version of the bible tends to make kids ask too many questions. If you want your kids to be believers, send them to Sunday school.
    Personally, I don’t do church, or religion, simply because I found being gay and being called an abomination by the very thing that created me, hard to swallow. Needless to say, I’d never expose my children to a lesson of self hatred and righteous judgment.


  2. Yes sister, you should trust your instincts and do NOT feel wrong for having them. You have to get to know the church family – whose real, whose not. Nothing at all wrong with it. My only suggestion would be to not discount a “hole in the wall” church automatically, because they can be some really good family oriented churches. They are small and personal and you are better able to discern people’s spirit.

    You have all full rights to want to make sure your children are safe and comfortable with loving, background checked people!! lol! We can’t be too safe these days. If a church isn’t able to accomodate the fidgety ways of children, then it’s probably a dead church. Children are curious, move around, talk, play with toys, etc etc., and that should be alright (up to a certain extent)

    Bless your heart and good luck with settling in to a church family.


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