The lunch date

First, I made sure I was really cute yesterday. Then it rained —  bummer! I did not have an umbrella and I have a perm, so you know, I wasn’t trying to get there looking like shit. Luckily, it wasn’t too heavy and I had a hood. She was in the area a few hours early because her best friend lives around there.

I picked a West African restaurant — Senegalese cuisine. I have never been, but I heard good things. I like trying different restaurants and foods, when I can. She wanted to go to BBQ’s. BBQ’s is cool, but I would rather go some place different. I love finding nice little spots in Brooklyn. I can go to a chain restaurant anytime, ya know?

She wasn’t really feeling this African thing though, but she said she would go, if that is where I wanted to go. Fine! We get there and she wasn’t really all that open. I ordered some veggie spring rolls, but she didn’t want to try it. They were good as hell and the sauce was nice. I would go back, just for those. I asked her to try it and she said they were “okay.” Her drink was a little “tart.” Also, she didn’t like chicken thighs, but she would eat it for “me.”

I told her it seemed like she was determined not to like anything there. She disagreed and said she was “open-minded.” Well, she ate almost all of her food. So, she was probably just uneasy trying something new. I ordered lamb, she was not about to be as “adventurous.”  She ordered the chicken.

We talked and it was easy. But, as my sister stated, I could probably talk to a wall and have a good conversation. I can carry a conversation, without being “too much.”  It is safe to say, I talked more than she did. My sister asked “what did she talk about.” I said, I didn’t know — I barely remember. But, I know we were talking.

She said according to my sign — I am shy. Who am I to argue? She told me I WAS NOT SHY. I asked how she knew, she just saw me for the first time 5 minutes ago, lol. I am not really shy, I can be reserved and quiet, but it isn’t because I am shy. It is because, I also know how to shut the hell up.

So, lunch was cool. She paid for the meal. I was prepared to pay though. I actually stopped at the bank, to make sure I had cash. I never have cash — I am a debit card girl. I had my card just in case though. I only took out $40, because that was what I was willing to spend on lunch. Either way, as she said she had the bill covered. I told her we can wait until the check comes and see how much it is first. She stated again, she had it covered. I still said “I have cash on me.” She said she did too, lol. Apparently, she did a bank run too. I let her pay — I tried. She wouldn’t even let me see the bill. It was probably about $40.00 though — I didn’t pick an expensive place. She was trying to hide or some shit with the bill. Not so sure what that was about. Maybe, it was supposed to be funny. All I know she had her hands under the table taking her money out and told me I couldn’t see. Then she put the money in the thing and asked if I was ready. I wasn’t even paying her any mind. Once you are paying the bill, I don’t say anything else. So, she was trying to be “funny” with that whole thing. I just started looking for my lip gloss, while she did what ever she was doing.

Is she cute? She is aiight; she isn’t ugly. I mean…I don’t know. She has nice dreads and she was natural (without makeup).  Which, I think is nice to see. I don’t like when women do too much with makeup. She is a fem. My sister said, I sound pretty lackluster about the whole thing, lol. Eh…I guess. I am trying to figure it out. I am trying to figure out, if she goes into the friend zone or not. She seems really nice and not ugly, lol. Maybe, I need to see her a little more dolled up. There wasn’t a whole lot put into her…her everything. I mean..she was cool. I dunno…she was — decent.

We took the bus home. I have never liked public transportation on a date, but, this is NYC. This is what people do. I got off at the stop before her stop. Which is my correct stop, but she thinks I live closer to her stop. I didn’t want to get too exact before I met her. I didn’t invite her over or anything, she doesn’t know where I live, even though, the bus stopped RIGHT in front of my building, lol.

I forgot to thank her for lunch, so I sent a text. She texted back telling me I had a beautiful smile. So, I got the impression she liked me, but I was still deciding. So, I said “Awww, thanks!” Then I added a joke from lunch time. So, that went smoothly. If I wasn’t so sure she liked me, I know after the text I received this morning. I sent her a text first saying “good morning.” She told me she has to refrain herself, because she likes me and may want to be around me all the time.  So, yea, I am clear.

What do you do when you are not sure if the friend zone is the right place? We shall see. She asked to do lunch again next week — BBQ’s. Even though, I don’t want to go there, I think I will go on another date.

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44 thoughts on “The lunch date

  1. I guess this is one of those moments where “You had to be there” is in order. I’m reading this and, well, I wasn’t feeling it right from the moment you said she wasn’t happy with your choice of cuisine for lunch; a lot of people aren’t adventurous when it comes to food (better the devil you know than the one you don’t) and her resistance to lunch would have made me uncomfortable. For me, nothing puts a damper on my mood like knowing someone ain’t crazy about what I’ve chosen for us to eat.

    Note to self: Next time, even if they let you pick the place, find out what they like to eat – saves you from “uncomfortable” moments. Oh, and pay attention to the weather report leading up to the day in question – there are phone apps for that and they’re free.

    Anyway, I would have noted the “paying the bill under the table” thing and would have had two thoughts, both which would have meant something to me. One, some people are really funny about pulling cash out in public because it could attract undue attention – this says something to me I won’t bore you with. Next thought comes as a question to myself, like, why are you hiding the bill so I can’t see it? Unless the menu didn’t have prices, I already know how much lunch came to. I could see playing this little game if I had asked, “How much was the bill?” – it can be kinda cute but this, too, says something I won’t bore you with.

    Her message to you about having to refrain herself says something to me as well, beginning with using the wrong word – yeah, I notice stuff like that; “restrain” would have been better for what she said and unless there’s some behind-the-scenes stuff you haven’t mentioned – like y’all been getting kinda deep with each other online (I gotta read your first lunch date blog), I would be curious about why she’d say what she said when we’re officially meeting for the first time; she’s either quite intuitive or you made one hell of an impression on her despite your choice of dining location.

    That you don’t seem to remember much of what she had to say has me wondering why you weren’t paying attention; I did find it interesting that you did pay close attention to how she looks, up to and including your thoughts she might benefit from some makeup…

    But, hey, as long as you enjoyed yourself and her company, why not do lunch again? I kinda laughed when you said you didn’t want BBQ and I’m wondering if it’s hit you yet that since she wasn’t crazy about Senegalese food, it’s your turn to take one for the team and eat something she prefers to eat? It says something about you that, again, I’m not gonna bore you with…

    Friend zone or not… well, that depends on why you went on a lunch date with her, doesn’t it? What was your reason for being there and the real question is what were you evaluating her for – a friendship position or something more than that?

    So let me backtrack and read what you had to say about this before the fact – and I apologize for not reading it; I meant to but other stuff came up!

    • I am totally open to going to BBQ’s, I got to pick the last time, so fair is fair. Plus, that is a place where everyone can find something they like. I usually get the wings or Turkey burger. I am also going to pay.

      Why did I go on the date? Well, to see if I was attracted to her for a NON-friend position. But, I can also use a friend if nothing romantic is on the table. I didn’t really remember the convo like that, because, it wasn’t that memorable. Or maybe it is because I talked more?

      She did tell me she likes italian, but I chose African, lol. I didn’t see any Italian places that were close enough. Nah, we haven’t been getting to deep online. Just regular conversations. I don’t like getting too deep in convo before meeting. I think it sets up expectations. It is like talking about how much of a freak I am, but then i come with my Sunday dress dragging on the floor, looking like a damn nun.lol

      • Friendship based on attraction – now that’s a new one, even for me! So, if she was being interviewed for the friend’s position which, by the way, didn’t feel that way to me based on your “trip report,” does this “suggest” that she had nothing memorable to say because the intent wasn’t to let her get “that close” to you? I’m just asking ’cause lesbians still manage to amaze the shit out of me when they do… stuff. And you don’t seem to mind me asking about such things, which I appreciate!

  2. Im in agreement with everything kdaddy said. She sounded boring and unadventurous at minimum. It’s interesting she said the next day she was interested bc it didn’t seem so from your recap of the date. Remember that people show you their BEST in the beginning and if that’s all she has… Yeah, next!

  3. lmaoooo…not sunday dress draggin on the floor….ahh this was too funny…I don’t even know what to say…who am I kidding..I always have something to say…

    The whole “hiding the money under the table” thing brings three things to mind..one…she did it so that no one could see how much cash she had..but to me..making extra movements while handling your cash is what draws attention…two…she wants the perception to be bought that she has “mad bread”…but if you do, why would you be carrying that much cash on you??? are you a drug dealer??? or stripper????..people with “mad bread”..keep their money in the bank because most likely others may know that they make a lot of money, so why set yourself up to be robbed??? and three..when I’m on a date and someone does that, it makes me think that they on a budget and are trying to see if they have enough to pay for the bill lmao, no “baller” perception is bought over here.

    I know that I am a picky eater, and going to a “Safe place” usually means apple bees ..but if I really want to get to know this woman, and she was eager to eat something “different”, I would take her to a place that sold Tapas or something. This way I knowwww for sure they will have something I like, and the “perception” that I am open to trying anyttthinggg will be bought lol… If she likes to take a walk on the wild side, we can order a small dish of something creepy..and she may not even notice that I skipped right over that shit since there are so many small dishes on the table …cause the lord knows I have a weak stomach, and if I’m not international I am not trying to try things that I know I don’t like… Maybe yall should just skip the whole going out to eat thing and do something that would allow you two to be relaxed..but then again..it’s not your problem..she is the one with the issue. I see it like this..I am a picky eater, so I will find a way to please both of our Appetites.

    Lmao…how are you not going to remember the conversation?? wait I do that sometimes, especially if I am not at all interested in the person. My mind just goes on vacation for a few minutes until she asks me a question and I’m like huh? You do seem a little bored with her…maybe she is shy…on your second date plan something fun that would force her to show a little bit more of her personality…or maybe she just needs a stiff drink. I know you said she was attractive..but are you sexually attracted to her??? If not, then you can just go on ahead and throw her into the “just friends” basket…and conversing is very important…if yall not laughing, or she doesn’t have much to say to you…you are on your way to snoozeville…anyway I am interested to see how this is going to play out..so I’ll be checking in.

    • I always LOVE your comments @ RJ. You are always ON POINT! Yes, keep checking IN! I think Tapas are a great idea. I found out the woman is extremely picky. She doesn’t like pears, bananas, cucumbers, tomatoes, plantains, dark meat, and like 10 other things. Had I known all of that…I would got her some french fries some where.

  4. I haven’t been reading your blog for very long, but yeah, you do sound lackluster about her. If you feel you need to see someone dolled up to think they might be pretty to you and in the next sentence say you prefer natural, that’s probably not a good sign.
    But it seems like you had a good enough time to try it again. Just pay close attention to the fact that she basically said she was kinda clingy and an easy let down isn’t gonna be possible for too much longer. When I move to NYC, the hubby and I will have to check out a Senegalese restaurant. We’ve never been and love trying new food!

  5. I agree with everything that has been said here. If you can’t remember the conversation and all this other stuff is taking place, she might be in the league for the friend team.

    Also, let me say that being a Jersey girl and now living in Dayton Ohio, I miss the hell out of some BBQ’s.

  6. Hey, I’m enjoying reading your adventures in dating. God knows, I’ve had enough of my own. It’s my experience that if she doesn’t take your breath away on first sight, she never will. I’ve spent many years trying to rationalize my way into attraction by giving second, third, fourth chances to have that chemistry grow. But chemistry doesn’t grow; it explodes because it’s there or it doesn’t explode because it’s not. . She also sounds like a potential problem if she can’t refrain from seeing you after one date. Keep her out of all your zones. 🙂

  7. I’m glad you had a nice lunch date! And the restaurant you picked sounds good to me. I don’t eat much meat but I will make an exception for lamb.

    As for your date; I’ve found that very often it’s the women that don’t knock you off your feet that end-up being good girlfriends. I think it’s because when you’re really attracted to someone from the first moment you tend to overlook stuff. But when you’re going kinda slow you get to know the person.

    And that’s funny how the bus stopped in front of your apt building but she didn’t know. Lol

  8. I am kind of agreeing with everyone else. I think the date was kind of boring. I also think maybe she is better at communicating through e-mail, text, or phone. Maybe in person is too much for her and in that case is that what you really want? If the date was only fun because she answered your questions and laughed at your jokes.. it sounds like it may have been one sided. What happens on the day that you are just on the quiet side? I think it is time to say NEXT!!! 🙂

  9. Well, it was just one date. And you don’t DISLIKE her, so why not go on another? Feel her out a little more. I think it’s fine that you haven’t made up your mind completely. It’s kinda crazy to be all into someone after one date, right? Lol.

    • It seems like with women, not is the same is not liking, lol. She seems nice enough though. I know it was only one date that only happened like 5 days ago, but I don’t think it was a match. If she still wants to be cool, that is fine. But, a lot of women are not looking for friends, lol. So, we shall see.

  10. Hi there,

    I’m a newbie and oddly enough K-daddy and I keep ending up on the same blogs although we have never spoken. Maybe, the Black Blogosphere is a smaller place than I thought, or we just have great taste.

    So, I know that I’m a few posts behind but I thought I would stick my two cents in. You sound decidedly underwhelmed, like you could take it or leave it. That does not a good romance make. It might make a booty call but you don’t sound like you’re interested in that :). For the record, I agree with you. On your first date, I really do prefer that you bring your A game. That means you should show me, woo me and all that good ish. No chain restaurants than you very much. Especially not in BK, there are so many cool spots to go. A little imagination, purty please. A little swag and something that draws me in.

    Throw her back, or put her in the friend zone, although I’m not sure how you will do that since she already wants to “get involved” with you :). That’s my two cents and I’m sticking to it lol.

  11. Now for the really important question, LB! What, if anything, would you have done differently now that you’ve had time to analyze the date and get input on it from others?

    See, I think you’re right when you said that some women feel the first date is the first official day of the relationship, which really began when y’all started talking and, clearly, her head is in one place, yours seems to be stuck in neutral, meaning you don’t have a clear direction about where to go with her – friend or lover or something between that. So, come the first date, y’all have already installed what could be, in either status, a major point of failure: You’re not even close to being on the same page with either other for friendship or more than that. I’m thinking this is because one or both of you didn’t want to put any cards on the table; it also sounded like you were expecting more from her while she was expecting you to just take charge of her – you say jump, she asks how high.

    It does seem, however, that lesbians aren’t really all that different from straight women in that instead of taking the clay and making a nice vase out of it, the vase is expected to just show up and already in the desired specifications. It’s about what one wants as opposed to what one can do with what’s available…

    • What could I have done differently? I am not sure. All I did was chit chat a bit and go for a date lol. But, seriously, even though I did not SAY I was looking for a romantic relationship, I think it is always implied. I always say I am looking for friends or trying to meet someone new. But, I think that still sounds like, I am hoping for a girlfriend.

  12. I’m late, but I wanted to toss my two cents in anyway – for whatever it is worth.

    You didn’t seem overly amused or interested prior to or during this lunch date, but do I feel that immediately tosses her to the friendship bin, or less? No. I do feel that some connections and bonds take time to form – not all are instant. Although society would have us believe there is always this instant and immediate spark of a connection, I can’t even begin to tell you how many sparks let to a full blown fire and then finally fizzled out. Sometimes, the connection and bond begins down the road with an isolated incident that starts it all and reveals something deeper about the two of you.

    I vote that she remains a friend for now, and you maintain the causal outings until she blatantly reveals herself to not be worth the time, effort, etc.

  13. People & potential friends/mates are less likely to disappoint us when we don’t invest too much in the What If/Romantic Aspect & really try to get to know them. And not in the intensive grilling them kind-of-way, but in a leisurely conversational type vibe that allows them & you to open up gradually, freely & thus, you get to discover all these new & interesting things about each other.

    Anyway, that’s my take on it. And good luck.

    One.

  14. Pingback: “Lunch Date Girl” « The Ramblings of a Lesbian Brooklynite

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