Empty My Brain…

I’ve asked — how soon was too soon to tell your business.

I was just thinking, what do we do with that information, once it is received? Do you hold it against the person? Do move cautiously depending on what you are told? Do you use the information to your own advantage? Do you just stop and move on right there?

One scenario…

What if the person tells you, they have always been done wrong in relationships. They have stories of how the other person(s) did this or that to them. What if they say, they always choose the wrong “kind” of person? Is it okay, if they are the “nice guy?” Is there anything even wrong with being the “nice guy?” You know the one that always puts their all into a relationships. Doing things that are above and beyond to show how much they love/care about someone. They are always left broken-hearted. What if the person just seems broken? You can’t always tells so soon if they are broken or broken-hearted.

Are these good qualities? Does it show they are loyal and committed to their relationships? If they were a dumbass in their past relationships, is that a good or bad thing for the new potential person? Do you move forward in dating them? After all, they are the good person, right?

How about the flip to that scenario….

What if they are telling you how much they were no good. They cheated, lied and took advantage of situations. What if they were the one leaving broken hearts? Can you still see potential in them? Would their other good qualities make a difference? Would you look last those past behaviors, if they said they have changed. That is the reason they are telling you all of this after all, right?

Those were some of the questions I had today. I would love to hear from you folks.

Completely off topic: Do people still need to keep resumes on one page? I am updating my résumé and it has gone over the one page mark.

Anyway…

Thoughts/Answers

8 Comments

  1. If you can keep your resume to two pages, that’s acceptable; one page just makes it easier for the person looking at it to absorb.

    Well, to me, if someone bares their soul as you’ve laid out, what I do is listen – and with the thought firmly in my mind that I’m listening to the past and not necessarily present or future stuff. As I’m listening, I’m forming questions in my mind, like, wow, you were that good to that motherfucker and he still fucked you over? What I’m really wondering is what her (in this case) idea of “got fucked over” means because I know women will get that perception in their minds – and they weren’t really fucked over.

    If the conversation is with a bad girl, I’m still listening; maybe I’m having some thoughts about leopards and spots if she’s confessing to have cheated, stuff like that; doesn’t mean she’s gonna do the same to me but instead of summarily condemning her, I take a wait-and-see position and, yeah, I’ll even asked that if she cheated, why did she – and “I dunno…” doesn’t count as an answer.

    It doesn’t make sense to prejudge or hold stuff against a person you’re just learning about. You be smart about it, look for patterns and keeping in mind that if they didn’t tell you something, lying by omission doesn’t apply because it could simply be reluctance on their part to reveal something very telling that might break the deal – better to give them some rope and let them hang themselves if this is to come about.

    The most important thing, in either situation you mentioned, is to take all this information and then decide how and/or if you can make good use of it in order to have a relationship with this person (if that’s why they’re telling you all this stuff) as well as, again, keeping in mind that what they’re telling you happened with someone else and not you.

    I will consider what I perceive as behavioral patterns – people rarely, if ever, change in this but it now becomes a question of whether or not I can deal with what I may be seeing. I’m not as much thinking about what I need as I am thinking about what can be done with the person so that if we do hook up, we can have more quality time than bad ones.

    And, yeah, you also keep it firmly in your mind that whatever you decide to do with all this information, you could be wrong in your conclusions…

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    1. Yes, that is the thing. If you jump to conclusion, you could be totally wrong. I usually just take that information in these days. Back in the day, I would run from both of these types. I just don’t want to deal. It just felt like they wanted you to carry some of those bags for them. I wasn’t about to do that, I like to protect my self. I have dealt with women who had some sob stories and it did not work out. I usually say run! Now, even though, I am not sure if it will work, I am open to getting to know more. But I am extremely cautious. When something happens (usually within 6 months) that is too much for me, I leave. The older I get though, I realize everyone is going to have a story. It just depends on that the story is for me. I will still date you, with my eyes open.

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      1. Deciding on whether it’ll work or not is a tough one because you really don’t know if it will or not unless you give it a shot – or the stuff you hear has “bad things” that severely outweigh any potential good things.

        And, yeah, most people would opt to bail than to waste time and effort on a bad project. And, yep, they will also often bail at the first sign of trouble, too; but in a very weird way, a lot of us employ some very bad planning once we get to the “are we gonna do this?” part of the program and regardless to what’s been said.

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  2. Two pages is fine, No more though or else people just will not look through it. Are you looking for a new job? Good Luck if you are.

    I think if people are saying the information like they are always the nice guy or bad guy they are saying it for a reason. They want you to probably feel some sort of emotion with it. Either they want you to chase them *bad guy* or they just finally want someone who is as nice as them.

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    1. Thanks about the info on the resume. Yes, I am about to start looking. I gave it to my cousin yesterday, her job is hiring. We shall see. I love my job, but I need more money.

      Chase the bad guy? Yea, they way want that, but I am too old for that mess.

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  3. Everyone sounds like professionals here…but I am just going to give my opinion based off of where I am in life…I really hate to hear people play victim all the time, it often throws a red flag with me that says this person may not be able to take ownership for their own actions because most times when a relationship fail both parties has played a part in it failing, right? Yet I know it is not always the case. The other thing is if they are laying it all out for me…that’s great you are trying to be honest, or are you covering your tracks in case something gets back to me. I guess either reason would work to my benefit perhaps…yet I will be reluctant to just hand over my heart to you because you have told all your dirty secrets. So I guess either way you must proceed with caution…Damn relationships get so challenging…LOL

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