Who pays when dating someone new?

I will always offer to pay.

If the other person has it covered, I still offer to at least pay the tip.

I just like to pay my way.

I am not one of those women who goes out expecting to be paid for all night. If you want to pay for me, that is fine. But, I come prepared to pay for both of us.

I also think if you have no intentions on paying, you should not touch the check. What are you looking for? If you have no money, you need to just sit. I wouldn’t even go out if I didn’t have money. It would be some embarrassing mess, if the other person didn’t have enough, and you left your house on empty.

I don’t want to go out if I am broke. If I am broke and someone I knew very well offers to pay, after I told them I didn’t have it, then I would still go. If in fact, I wanted to go out at all. There is no way, I am going to tell someone I just met “I don’t have any money.” No way. Most people will still offer to pay, right? Yea, but that is almost like begging to me. It puts you in a place too like a little “poor thing.” That my dears, is not a look I wear well. If you tell everyone you meet, you can not go out because you have no money, you are silently begging, lol.

Is the person taking advantage if they know they have no money, but still go out all the time? Even if they tell the person/people they have no money?

I do not think people should expect to be paid for all the time. Yes, in some situations that ends up being the case. That is fine. But, there is nothing worst than a woman who does not reach. Nah, you better at least pretend to have some money in those pockets/pocketbook.

Another thing that kills me? When a person who is NOT paying, asks you how much the check was and how much tip I  left the waiter. If you were so concerned with the tip and/or bill; you should be handling all of that.

I think women should offer to pay or reach with men too. I remember my friend told me the woman who he was in a relationship with for years, never-ever-ever offered to pay a check. She never offered and she had never paid. The relationship lasted, I would say, 8 years or so. Dude, that spells trouble. If a woman never-ever offered, to me she is just not that into you.

I understand, not paying or offering on the first couple of dates with a man. I would still offer. But, if you really do like the guy, after a few dates or so, you should pay. That just shows you are willing to put in some work.

When anyone pays for me, I say thanks. That is just the polite thing to do. Plus, I appreciate anything that is done for me.  A butch friend of mine does NOT like when a woman does not say thanks. I think sometimes, all she wants is a thanks — keep the money.

If  the woman I am dating is hell-bent on paying all the time. I will let her — at first. Eventually, I will start to even things out a bit by paying. I am not going to take no for answer. I wouldn’t even offer anymore; when the bill hits the table, I take it and pay for it. I just tell her she can “get it next time.”

After all, if I am interested, I want her to know, right? I want her to know, I am willing to put forth the same effort.

Why do people assume someone else will pay? In gay relationships do you think one person is automatically assumed to pay? My friend went out with a woman the other day and the woman did not offer. My friend was not pleased with this behavior. They are both pretty feminine, so I wonder what the assumption was?

I just can’t see not offering.

What do you folks think?


  1. I know women that if they go out with a stud they expect the stud to pay, at least in the beginning.

    When my gf and I started dating we went back and forth on who would pay. If we went to dinner and a movie, she’s pay for dinner and I would pay for the movie. It happened naturally. We didn’t have a discussion about who would pay for what.

    I think little things like who pays is the first step in seeing if two people are compatible.

    And I’m like you; I wouldn’t go out if I was broke. I wouldn’t say I was broke I’d just try to put it off until I had money. Plus I’m from NY and I learned early never to leave home, especially on a date, without cab fare. Lol


  2. I think the convention is that the person who asks pays.

    Although, we had a situation where we went out with another couple – and they expected us to pay – we were friends out for dinner – we weren’t dating them or trying to seduce them.



  3. I think the person who asked should DEFINITELY be prepared to pay, and should reach for the cheque. At the same time, ANYone going out should be prepared to pay. You just never know. People forget wallets. (How?! I have NO idea.) Credit cards are declined. You order too much expensive goodness. Ya know… Stuff happens. LOL.

    In relationships, I think taking turns is cool. Babe and I don’t really talk about it. One of us just takes care of it. If she knows I’m low on cash and she has it, she pays. If I know she doesn’t have money and I do, I pay. Now and then, I may say, “I’m taking you for…” This means I fully intend to pay.

    If I started dating someone and noticed they never paid, or tried to pay, I’d probably just call it quits. Not because of the money, but because it shows total inconsideration and one-sidedness. Who knows what other ways that could manifest itself in a relationship? I don’t wanna find out.

    Also, I’d be a little careful with someone who insists on paying every time. Control issues? Perhaps…


    1. LOL @ control issues. That is a very good point. They think because they pay, you now owe them a kidney. That is why I always want to pay my way. I don’t like people thinking I owe them for anything, especially not a piece of chicken or something, lol.


  4. Like a few others have said…the person who initiates the date should always pay. If you are seriously interested in dating the person you have asked out on the date, you should definitely pay…its a matter of making the right impression. My partner and I have been together almost 8 years and she hardly ever pays…not because she won’t, but because I feel that she is my lady and when I take her out, I don’t want her having to pull out her wallet. Just a personal preference of mine.


  5. even if asked out – it;s good to offer to pay at least for your own

    unless you’re okay to say that your price is a meal – but that’s really straight people baggage

    lesbian relationships aren’t about who makes the more money (straights) or who’s dick is bigger (gay men)

    lesbian relationships are about balancing two people – letting strengths and aptitude decide who takes the lead here or is lead in that other arena

    The Spouse is the designated spider killer while I deal with anything that flies. For example.


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