The kids are always the ones to suffer…

This is a post about a woman whose father left very early in her life. She saw him here and there for a few years. I think the last time she saw him was at 8 years old, and then again at 29. Obviously, this affected her life. She came to the conclusion, as a kid, she didn’t need him. Her family proceeded with an adoption by her step-father. I don’t know her or anything, but the story did touch me. Here is the post.

Here is an excerpt:

He was shorter than I remembered and, naturally, quite a bit older. He greeted me softly. Honestly, I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I could never have imagined what he would have said to me. “I’ve missed you,” he told me. “I just felt so rejected when you sent those adoption papers.”

I stared at him for a minute, shocked. I calmly explained, as you might to a child, that I hadn’t seen him at that point for the better part of eight years. And then I gently reminded him that I was the child and that it wasn’t my responsibility to maintain our relationship. But no matter what I said, I could see that in his mind he was the one who was wronged. I think that meeting gave me a certain amount of peace. Obviously he had, in some mysterious way, cared about me. And obviously, he never quite learned how to take responsibility for his own actions. By then, fortunately, I was quite certain that I hadn’t done a damn thing wrong at the age of four to warrant one parent simply walking away. I’m sure my own memories are warped and twisted by my young age and the passing of time. But it was somehow bizarre to me that in all my time of feeling hurt and unloved, he had an entirely different perception of what had occurred.

I have zero respect for men who are not fathers to their children. I know too many one-parent households. It shouldn’t be this way. Even if a relationship does not work out, being a parent should not be optional.

Why do so many men walk away from their responsibilities?


  1. Couple of things, I think. One is pretty ancient, if the texts are to be believed; men plant the seed and moves on to the next field, leaving the woman to harvest it and do the nurturing thing and this was what the deal was before the concept of family was invented.

    What is more likely is that fear of having to be responsible for that small life for the next 18 years because it ties them down… but that can also be related to early pre-morality/societal behaviors.

    I wasn’t walking out on my kids for any reason and if I had, my mother would have done a very serious number on me for not dealing with the consequences of my actions in this or, “You put it there, you’d better damned sight take care of it!” She scares me more than changing diapers and helping with homework and stuff.

    Dudes wanna be running up in there unprotected and I’ve heard guys tell a woman it’s her fault she got pregnant – what kind of shit is that? I’ve heard guys get the news and categorically deny that he’s the father when he knows good and damned well no one else has been porking his woman,

    Because fatherhood is some scary shit. The big slap in the face is that I’ve known men who have run off – but then they brag about how many women they’ve knocked up, like it’s some badge of honor or something and, worse, how they managed to keep avoiding having to pay child support and how they don’t need that baby momma drama in their lives.



    1. Yep, assholes. I can understand how this whole thing started. But, TODAY, to see men just making babies and move on? It is crazy. It is crazy because many of these same guys were also raised without a father. They know first hand how it feels, yet they just can’t seem to want to stop the cycle.


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