12 — Talk about a regret you have.

My regret would be furthering my education. I am still going to continue, but I regret not doing it earlier.

Right out of high school I went to a 2 year college. I should have just went to a 4 year institution from the beginning. I graduated with my Associates and then took a 2 year break. I decided to just work and I was earning decent money at the time. After 2 years I thought that was long enough, and I went back to earn my Bachelors. I didn’t go to my graduation when I graduated with my Associates, but I went to the next graduation. It was nice and my family was proud. More importantly, I was proud of myself.

Then I took another break –  this break has lasted for years. I am still “breaking.” I moved to Atlanta, Georgia as soon as I graduated. I wanted a fresh start – just get away from New York for a while. I liked Georgia.I had my very first apartment and I loved it. It was a really nice apartment, in a beautiful community. My rent was only $608.00 for a “hugeesh” one bedroom apartment. In Brooklyn, you can barely rent a room in someone else’s apartment for that price. That is the main reason I wanted to move. I just thought it would have been to hard to start out in Brooklyn.

During the time in GA, I had a lot of time to be alone – I liked it. When I was in Brooklyn, my life was fast. I was a college student who was just having fun. I partied a lot back then. Every night of the week – I was pretty much out of my house. Every once in a while, I stayed home to recoup. That did not happen often.

When I moved to GA, I decided to slow down. I went out every once in a blue, but I mostly stayed to myself. My best friend moved out there at the same time, so we had each other. I still stayed mostly in my apartment or exploring the city – during the day time hours. The more I thought about life and the women that were in and out of it, I decided I wanted to start a family. I wanted stability. I wanted my own children. I had no idea what was going to happen with the women I had dated or would date in the future – I wanted my own thing. I really wanted to be in a relationship, and have children with my partner. But, women are flaky. I had yet to meet a woman who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, or even the next couple of years. I figured if I waited for the right woman to come along, my eggs may be scrambled. Face it, being a lesbian isn’t always easy.

I have friends now that envy my family; I don’t think they should though. They have wonderful lives, but they do not have children. It would be nice to have some of their freedoms. But, we have to live our own lives. A really good friend of mine really wants a family. She has become an “uncle” to my kids. No, they don’t call her that – that would  be stupid. We just joke about it to ourselves. She has not found the love of her life, and now she thinks she is getting too old have kids on her own. I told her we can share my kids, hehe.

Anwyay, I could have and probably should have went on to get my Masters back in Georgia. I didn’t work right away after having the kids. Being a mom is time consuming. I didn’t want to leave them with people, if I didn’t have to. I kept saying – I was going to go back to school soon. I just felt like I didn’t have the time. I did. Now, I want to go back, and I am thinking “how am I going to juggle it all?” I work full time, and barely have time for much after work. My daughter is in dance class on Saturdays and during the summer they have swimming classes. I wake up at 5:30 every morning and get home 12 hours later. The kids have an 8 o’ clock bed time. I am just mentally exhausted when I think about how I am going to do it all.

I decided I wanted to start knocking things off of my to-do list. I want to become a Alcohol & Substance Abuse Counselor, so I am starting the process. I just have to wait for my boss to write a recommendation letter, and when I leave work this afternoon, I will get my fingerprints taken. When that is done I will submit the application, and continue to work on finishing the courses. I can do most of it online, so I think I can squeeze it all in. Little does my boss know, but I will be doing some of the courses on the job.  I am going to actively find a graduate program soon. If want to be a Psychologist and I need to get on the ball.

So, yea I regret not finishing my schooling sooner. I am not devastated or anything about it though. I just think it probably would have been easier if I did it a few years back.


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