How soon is too soon share your baggage?

When should you start telling the person you are seeing your baggage? You know the heavy stuff; all the problems and negative things going on.

Should you wait until you are officially in a relationship? Should it be during the dating phase? Should it be “off-top?”

I am not so sure anymore.

I am the type that usually tries to keep my shit to myself. Yes, I love to talk but I like to keep some things to myself. I usually hold on to my “stuff” until the right time or when I feel we are close enough. I don’t really have heavy stuff, just what ever I consider personal.

I meet women that tell me their deepest darkest secrets on pretty much day one. I am usually thinking run and do it quickly. I remember giving my friend advice once about a woman she had met. She told me the female told her a lot of deep heavy stuff during their first two weeks of knowing each other. Basically, the woman told her she had been sexually abused by her father since she was a very young girl . I thought woah, that is some heavy stuff. I just couldn’t believe she said that so soon. I told my friend to step back from that one. I know I sound mean, but I am not. I didn’t like the girl’s vibe. I just felt like she had ulterior motives.

My thoughts were if she told you this so soon, she tells everyone and she is probably looking for sympathy. Not that you shouldn’t be sympathetic, but you have to decide if that is someone with whom you want to start a relationship. I wrote about baggage previously. Anyway, she even may use this against you. My friend thought I was “buggin” and decided to date her anyway. This woman turned out to be a fucking lunatic.  She was mad at the world and took every bit of it out on her girlfriends. She was a mess.

I told her people usually tell people stuff like that when they are very comfortable. I don’t think she was comfortable yet. I thought she used her hurt and pain as a tool. She made women feel guilty for trying to leave her and made them feel bad. She told them all her business and now they felt obligated to stay with her and take her abuse. How could they now hurt her too?

I could be wrong; I am no expert. Usually when I see someone telling their stories right away, it may mean they are not mentally ready to move on or to be in a relationship. I am not saying you shouldn’t date a person who has been abused or has any kind of baggage. I am just using it as an example of heavy-duty information.

Then a part of me feels like you should tell me all of your stuff right away. I want to know if I am wasting my time. I want to know if your baggage is something I want to help you carry, or not. t.If I should move on or no

Just my thoughts for the day. Comments? Tell me your view!

9 Comments

  1. i feel the same way…i run the opposite direction if someone tells me their whole life story within a day or two of dating.

    it’s not a good thing. you and I both aren’t expert but i’m sure a lot of people feel the same way.

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  2. no matter what stage you’re in…let them in on the skeletons and that way, they can’t come back to haunt you later. being upfront is really hard…i know I’m a guy who would normally lie to cover it up, except covering facts up leads to bad things when you actually turn serious…

    so do the right thing…all of your cards on the table…it’s a good thing…

    T.

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  3. Yeah, people who tell me their ‘stuff’ too soon after meeting, immediately sets off a red flag. And if I happen to stick around these people long enough, I’m usually right. They’re debbie downers who want constant sympathy (but no advice) for everything that’s ever went wrong in they’re life. Yeah its kinda sad.

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